Hi, Migraineurs! I have never done a blog challenge before, but I've decided to do it for the first time so it should be interesting.
Although I am the volunteer founder of the public page Migraineur Misfits as well as a secret support group and volunteer for the Surviving Chronic Pain public page, it is often very hard to get through each day without having a migraine or suffering from other afflictions or comorbid disorders. I try to keep busy with my new project, which is creating awareness jewelry (at cost and only for donations, not a profit) as well as doing chats every other week.... Sometimes it sounds like I can function "normally", but it is really my attempt at feeling normal and to help others who are suffering in silence, like I did for so many years, alone.
The mask that I commonly wear is one of the person I used to be, although clearly, there are cracks in this facade. I often miss family gatherings, parties, and cannot always be online with those sufferers I so dearly want to help. There are so many times that I want to exercise, be outside on a clear sunny day without shades, be with friends and family (which I have lost over the years due to my inability to function in a socially acceptable manner, exhibiting proper etiquette and staying for any real length of time), be a more active member of my community, drive a car (which I can no longer do because of all the medication that I am forced to take and all of the side effects), and so many other things, I can't mention here...
My mask is that of a younger me. The me I was before chronic migraines started to destroy my life and left me disabled and ashamed, feeling like I was worthless and unproductive. I remember that time when I was 19 and the whole world was in front of me. I try to still feel free of the invisible chains of disability, but my mask it tarnished and often I am afraid. Medications and treatments fail, I have not been able to work in over three years, and my social life is now hinged to the brief times I am able to type on the computer and social network or do my college graduate work (which I would be unable to do if it was not for disability accommodations).
I wish my life hadn't gone down this dark path, but at the same time, it is making me a strong person. I also know that the "Phantom of the Opera" theme for this first blog is meant as a euphemism, but if I had a current mask (other than my other one - an attempt at being youthful), it would be cracked, yes, but it would appear fierce, like I am; a ravaged wolf with fiery eyes, struggling to survive despite being starved emotionally from the loss of the me I used to be.
I am lucky that I have so many people on the internet to interact with. They are often only acquaintances, but I know I am not alone. So, I am not only helping them find their way out of the shadows. They are helping this "starving wolf" remain satiated with the hand that life has dealt me. If I fight with other migraine sufferers, we are a pack that grows and becomes stronger. We can do this together... despite the mask. I know we can.
With Love, Gueneviere (also known as Seizonsha)
June 2013, Migraine and Headache Awareness Month, is dedicated to Unmasking the Mystery of Chronic Headache Disorders. The 2013 Migraine and Headache Awareness Month Blog Challenge is a project of FightingHeadacheDisorders.com.
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